walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
