I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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