So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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