If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
