i think my tv is drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
