Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
