Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
