I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
