ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
