So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
