and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
