I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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