Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
