Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
