We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
