She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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