Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
