Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was CRYING into my vagina
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
