We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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