his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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