I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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