i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
