she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
