dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
