i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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