He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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