So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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