I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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