i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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