all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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