the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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