whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Damn victory sex feels great
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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