That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
