i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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