I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
