somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
