Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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