I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
