Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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