I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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