I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
