he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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