I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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