I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize