that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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