I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
