how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
