She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
