Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize