plz talk dirty to me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
