I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
