my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
