I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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