Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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