who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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