I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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