like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
