Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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