She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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