I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
