Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
