I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
