I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
