Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
