As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
