he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize