dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
