We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
