so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
