I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
