he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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