So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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